Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
