dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize