How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Randomize
