he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
