I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
