my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
