I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize