i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
