He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
He passed out mid-signature
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
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