so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
