So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Randomize
