Pants 0. Shit 1.
What tipped you off? The sombrero?
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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