First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
