Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize
