pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
