I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
I forget how to act sober
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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