What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
