No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize