She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
