Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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