I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
