dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
