Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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