Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
