Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
I am full of burrito and curiosity
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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