At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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