so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
