I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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