come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
