You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
