you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
