"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
