I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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