i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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