it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Randomize
