I could have mohawked her pubes.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Houston, we have a squirter
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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