I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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