dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I'm too high and old for this...
Randomize
