I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
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