we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Man, jail baloney is awful.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
