Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
