She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
Randomize
