i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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