All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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