I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Is it penis luge time yet?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
