either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
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