I feel like abortions should bother me more
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
