I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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