Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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