he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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