I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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