worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Randomize
