don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
