i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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