toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
