I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
