Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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