I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize