i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
