Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
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