I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
