I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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