just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I can't turn off my feet"
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
