I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
