He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
