We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
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