i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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