I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
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