Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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